holy crap i did not think that just purely thinking about you and the slim chance i could maybe possibly have to get with you would make me regret a lot of things i did my freshman year. i'm so sad we never became the friends i was hoping we would be.
thats not entirely true. not that i don't love you. it's just...*in* love? i don't know what that feels like. this isn't something you're entirely new to, but for me, everything's shiny and different. i'm just not sure that i'm in love with you right now. i definitely will be, at the rate things are going,*in* love with you, at longest, by the end of the summer. i'm just unsure if i went through the whole "falling in love" thing. i don't love me, so can i love you? is that's what's stopping me? but, at the same time that i'm here, wondering if i'm *in* love with you, LOVE like, in the movies i grew up with, i can't help thinking how much i miss you. and need you. and want you to be right here with me. preferably at all times. and sometimes i'm afraid that i'm feeling things so much more intensely than you are. and that makes me worry most of all. and then i'm afraid that you'll realize how much i worry and realize you want none of me and finish the relationship. and then i'm worried that you'll realize how much i think about the end of our relationship when it's barely even started. not that i'm afraid it's going to end soon, it's just, i can't believe what i've got and i never want to let it go. and then i'm worried that i'm being foolish. i'm scared of risks, and i'm sorry about that. but if it's any consolation, you make me want to take more risks. i love you, maybe not with a capital "l" but i do. i really and truly do.